Smart squee.

People often find this very surprising about me, but I hate to read books. That's right. The writer hates to read.

Blame it on the never-ending required summer reading that was shoved down my throat for years, or the attention-span-of-a-gnat mentality that has saturated the very core of society, but I literally have little to no patience for books.

Magazines, newspapers, blogs, crawls on the bottom of E! about Tara Reid, and websites are the only things digestible enough for me to handle anymore. Library's scare me. Now you know why.

Books that do get my attention are generally filled with lots of useless information that I can impress people with at social gatherings. i.e. The Daily Show with Jon Stewart Presents America (the Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction (Albert Gallatin was Secretary of the Treasury from 1801-1814) and MTV Uncensored (Kurt Loder is old).

Another such book, which I have admittedly yet to read but sounds promising, is From Altoids to Zima : The Surprising Stories Behind 125 Famous Brand Names.

Let's discover this book together, shall we? We'll exchange notes in the hallway between classes on Monday.

On a side note, I do use my empty Altoids tin cases to hold paperclips on my desk. It kinda freaks co-workers out if they're expecting something "curiously strong" to chomp on instead. Although, I guess a paperclip would qualify.

Squeeworthy 'toons.

I must admit I'm not a huge fan of cartoons, so when one manages to get my attention, you know it's some funny stuff.

One of the best I've seen in long time is The
FairlyOdd Parents on Nickelodeon. Reminds me of the good old days of Doug, Ren and Stimpy, Ahhh! Real Monsters, and Rocco's Mondern Life. (Bring them back!)

The first episode I ever saw ("Boys in the Band") was prompted by a voiceover cameo by Chris Kirkpatrick of 'NSYNC. I used to work for one of the show's producers, so let's just say when he's handing you a VHS tape and telling you to watch it, you do.

In a nutshell, there's a 10-year-old kid named Timmy. His parents are nut jobs. (Whose aren't?) When they're at work, Timmy has an evil babysitter, Vicky. (She's a dose of Angelica from Rugrats, times 12.) ...It's not over yet!


He has two fairy god parents (Cosmo and Wanda) who grant him wishes and land him in all kinds of wacky situations.

Chris Kirkpatrick plays, you guessed it, a popstar named Chip Skylark. Throw in an 'NSYNC member, some musical numbers, two questionably obsessed parents making "I [heart] Chip!" cookies and t-shirts so THEY can go to the concert instead of their son, and a psycho babysitter holding Chip hostage back at the house, you know you've got some funny stuff.


It's a smart, smart show. Thanks to a bit of double entendre (new vocabulary word!), your parents will know why it's really, REALLY funny.

Check it out when you need a break from your SpongeBob marathon.

Treo me.

After spending $400 on a phone, I wondered what the heck I was thinking.

I could have made an extra student loan payment! Bought a new Coach bag! Bought four $100 phones! Went to the bank and asked for $400 in singles to throw around like I had won the lottery for fluff and nonsense!

But, no. I bought a Treo 650 because someone talked me into it.

Okay, so it wasn't so much as talked me into it, but this thing had, and has, a certain allure. (Not to be confused with whatever impostor allure using a Bluetooth headset emits. It's called "You look like you're having an inner monologue outburst incident." Use your hands!)

Clearly, I must be "kind of a big deal" if I have a Treo. I'm "important enough" to check my e-mail incessantly. Send neat, organized text messages saved in conversation form, a la Instant Messenger. Never be without an MP3 player or a world clock. Customize my ringtones to my express liking so that Hugh Laurie notifies me when I have a voicemail.

But, to have what some might label a "Zack Morris" sized cell phone in a world of RAZRs and PEBLs and Qs, you may need to defend your purchase.

Let's face it. The BlackBerry is played out. Everybody and their mom has one. In fact, I saw your mom yesterday, and she wants to know why you don't call her anymore...ON HER BLACKBERRY.

General rule of thumb: Jay-Z includes your product in a lyric more than once, it's not so VIP anymore, cause he just told you about it...twice.

With all that lawsuit, "Can we, can't we still use our Blackberry" drama, who wants to drop that much loot on a PDA? Go with the Treo. And, it still has a QWERTY keyboard!

If you update your firmwares when you're told and have a geeky friend on speed dial in case of "red phone"-esque emergencies (few and far between), you'll be the coolest person on the block.

During an impromptu game of "Name that obscure actor," you can reference IMBD.com. What can they do? Text their friend to look it up for them, and then call them back so you can be subjected to their lame MIDI ringtones. (You know, the ones that sound like bastardized elevator muzak.)

As PDAs and the customization of these geeky products becomes more and more popular, so do the creative possibilities.

Sites like and NYC Peach and Crystal Icing specialize in bringing bling to your phones, iPods, laptops...anything that can stand still long enough to have crystals adhered to it, really.

They have a laundry list of celebrity clients and a library of samples to show you. NYC Peach, in fact, has the blessing of the TMobile Sidekick folks themselves. Ooh.

Psst!: Get your Treo with a new plan or when your contract is up, and you'll pay A LOT less than an impatient girl like me. (Don't thank me. I'll just sit here and be jealous.)

Yummy squee.

Chipotle
M & 19th Streets, Washington D.C.
Circa 2004


Me: I don't get it.
Tim: You just walk up there and order a burrito.
Me: All they sell is burritos...and tacos?
Tim: Yup. Oh, margaritas.
Me: What kind of place is this?!

My life was never the same after that moment, for I had discovered the burrito experience.

I say "experience" because the instructions on the back of their napkins actually include holding up your Mexican food goodness to the sky to be worshipped a la Simba in the Lion King. (Or that Step 2 was to lift it off the table in order to eat it. I like my version better.)

Founded in 1993 by yet another guy named Steve (See: Jobs, Case), Chipotle Mexican Grill was actually owned in part by McDonald's, yet its food was anything but.

Seriously amusing advertising, massive burritos (20 ounces!), cool metal-meets-wood decor, and a liquor license makes this one of my favorite food places in the city.

Slowly migrating to a local suburb near you, I've made it a point to attend the opening (By sheer luck, I swear...) of New York locations just so I can say, "Why, yes. I know that the guac is extra," and impress the new Chipotle staff.

Downside is I actually calculated the calories in the brick-sized burrito, and they oddly enough total the number of the year I graduated elementary school. (And, no. I'm not the oldest person alive.) It's up there. You don't want me to tell you.

I'm not the only one who thinks that Chipotle is squeeworthy. Sites like chipotlefan.com painstakingly catalogue every ingredient and house fan message boards to celebrate their awesomeness.

While I haven't gone that far, I have wrapped myself up in an obscene amount of tinfoil to secure a free burrito on Halloween.

Free Burrito Days:

• Tax Day: April 15. Fill out your "tax form" and save your receipt.
  
• Leap Day: February 29. (Leap years only. Duh.)
• Prom Day: Spend all your money on a dumb dress to only get dumped by your cheating boyfriend at the punchbowl? Forget him and get a free burrito. You gotta rock the dress in the store, though.
  

Visit Chipotle online and get your burrito on at http://www.chipotle.com