Smelly squee.

Cruising around sephora.com, I spotted this new item - $300 perfume from Juicy Couture.

Still dizzy from the residual sticker shock, I naturally assumed that this price had to come with an explanation. Clearly something about it had to warrant that hefty price tag. Or...not.

Lots of designers make perfume. Vera Wang. Calvin Klein. Dior. But none of them charge anything close to that amount of ridiculousness. Not it.

It's not a life-sized bottle of perfume. In fact, it's 1 ounce. Not it again.

It's made out of some exotic plant! Yes. That must be it. The "Last of the Mohicans" of a rare flower, exported from a country on the verge of total plant life devastation. I've finally solved it. Really not it.

To the contrary, the explanation is this:

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there were two nice girls named Pam and Gela who discovered the Juicy Couture world of fashion, and fun, fun, fun. They took a deep breath and realized this is how The Juicy Girls smell the world! - Juicy Couture

I don't know about you, but it's gonna take a lot more than a lame story about two chicks finding fun, not once, but three times in a row and suddenly feel the insatiable need to encapsulate the moment in a scent...that costs three monthly installments of a car insurance bill.

Just because something's expensive and made by a designer does not mean it's squeeworthy. It just means it's not-so-affordable.

If you happen to think "fun cubed" smells that hot, by all means, go for it. If you're not impressed, don't waste your hard earned loot.

Squeeworthy scents.

Vera Wang's "Princess" is an example of the one instance in my LIFE where a free sampler of a perfume actually persuaded me to brave it and buy a whole bottle.

Apparently scents are not a one-smell-fits-all kind of deal. Each person causes the fragrance to react differently with the oils in his/her skin and a host of geeky other factors. I only know this from an episode of Nip/Tuck when Dr. Troy was dating the blind Noxema girl, and she explained the semantics behind top, middle, and bottom "notes."

Top notes are what you smell when you first put it on.
Middle notes are what you smell after top notes evaporate.
Bottom notes are what you smell after several hours.

So, just because your friend smells really good in a perfume may not mean it's right for you. (Also, stay away from Dr. Troy, cause he will get weird and dump you.)

Playing around in stores like Sephora are fun for finding new scents. Although, you may want to cruise by Starbucks beforehand so that you can pick up some coffee beans to "cleanse your nose" in between scents. It's like intermezzo at fancy dinners, except you're not scratching your head wondering why they're serving you dessert before you've even had dinner.

"Princess" has its own website, and its own MySpace. (Yeah. I, uh...friended it.) Nonetheless, I did learn that the excessive product packaging was actually intended to be bonus jewelry for the "princess" wearing it. So, if you get unexpectedly jabbed in the hand with a crown-shaped ring, you know who to blame - Vera Wang.

But, hey. You'll smell good.


Snag a bottle of Vera Wang's "Princess" here.