The opposite of squee.

I have a tough time explaining the concept of "What is squee" unless I supply an analogy or provide a descriptive scenario involving actual squeeing. (I'm starting to believe that people do this solely for their own amusement and nothing else.)

To help further establish the depth and breadth of squee, I present you "The Opposite of Squee."

Take this article in Yahoo! News: Nintendo investigating Wii strap problem

Ah-hem:
[Nintendo] said . . . it is investigating reports of problems with a strap that secures the machines' wandlike remote-controller to the player's wrist.

My first thought? Wow. I hope there's nothing wrong with it so I can keep playing. That would majorly suck.

I kept reading.

At least two Web sites have been set up to collect photos that purportedly show damage — such as broken glass and TVs — resulting from the strap coming off players as they swung around the controller, at times causing the remote to fly out of their hands.

My new thought: Do you need schooling how to not be a spazoid freak? I think yes.

Wii is a game. It's fictional. You are not actually playing a sport. It is a mere mimicry of the event. LET'S ALL REMEMBER THAT. No doubt you were one of those people who jumped with Mario when you hopped atop mushrooms or drainpipes, too.

Hey, I've played. I didn't even use the strap, and did I break anything? No, cause I'm still alive. If I were dead, at my brother's hand, you'd know I threw the remote, launching it into a TV set or something equally expensive.

One of these such sites filled with remote-throwing morons is http://www.wiihaveaproblem.com/ (Ah, URL puns.)


"I have a 27 inch normal tv in my room. So on wensday after launch I asked my mom if i could use it on the 40 inch projection HDTV. She was like ok what ever. So i was playing tennis and the wiimote flew out of my hand with the wrist strap (yes i was wearing it and it flew off with the wiimote) and flew into the screen." - wiihaveaproblem.com

Did you ever see Andy Roddick throwing his tennis racket across the court in wild abandon during his return? No! (Okay, so maybe if you watched John McEnroe play, but the guy's got documented anger issues.)

Take the time and energy you kids are throwing (pun very intended) into this crazy remote-launching and dump it into things like spelling, proper capitalization of days of the week, and other worthwhile causes.

Dumb: The opposite of squee.

Awesome squee.

I haven't played Nintendo religiously since NES, but I have found a new reason to willingly reunite with the pains of "Nintendo thumb," and it's called Wii.

My brother has a problem, and it's called, "Buying every video game and console ever made." If he was old enough, I'm sure he would have been an early proponent of Atari. Through him, I've managed to sort of stay in touch with the latest video game nonsense, and sometimes* be cool enough to play a game or two.

Call it the hospitality of Thanksgiving, call it a momentary lack of sanity, but he recently purchased Wii and let me play.

Can I just tell you now that it is THE singlemost amazing thing of 2006, other than Timberlake locating and returning "sexy?" (Okay, fine. And Britney dumping K-Fed.)

Incase you've been living under a rock, or actually have a life, Wii oozes uber-coolness because of its wireless controller (that kinda, sorta looks like a sleek TV remote) that detects motions of the player.

Remember the old track games on NES? You had to run and jump on that ghetto version of a Dance Dance Revolution Pad? This smacks that in the face.

When you're playing a game like Wii Sports, you're actually going through the motions of playing the game in real life. You're throwing punches to get the TKO. You're swinging a baseball bat or the tennis racket to hit the ball. You're reaching out your arm to get that turkey in bowling.

Call me pathetic, dumb, or seriously challenged in the upper-body strength department, but I somehow managed to feel as if I went through sports bootcamp after a few hours of playing. ...For two days.

It made me wonder if Nintendo thought they were actually trying to motivate gamers to be active, and perhaps I'm not too far off considering there's a fitness test to monitor one's activities over time.

Yeah, I tried the fitness test. Yeah, it said I had the athleticism of a 58-year-old man, but I was robbed! How is not getting a strike and not being allowed to pick up the spare in bowling a sign of physical weakness? I protest.

And when I say I played, I really mean "I" did. Mii. On the "Mii Channel," every Wii user gets to create their own player to be designed in his or her very own likeness. These "characters" can interact on message boards and private messaging through Wii's wireless Internet capabilities.

I don't think I can handle the awesomeness.

What I really won't be able to deal with is the ability to play Sega Genesis games like Toe Jam & Earl.

Funkotron, here I come!

*Every five years.

Random squee.

Random things excite me, and having public bathrooms complete with flat-screen TVs, a fireplace, a mini-dance floor certainly fits. Oh, and did I mention it's in Times Square? Even better!

The crossroads of New York City straphangers and hoards of international travelers will now have a place to "go." An estimated 300,000 flushes are anticipated through the holiday season. (I have no idea what that means in terms of people, but I'm sure there's some mathematical explanation.)

Why is this squeeworthy? Well, it's certainly not because it's a bathroom.

I'm sure lots of people have been finding ways to go about their business (wow, I'm doing really well with this bathroom pun thing!) before the arrival of these pimped out restrooms, but the fact that someone thought to do something so extravagant, and not just install a bunch of sketchy Porta-Potties under the guise of a marketing ploy for bathroom tissue is pretty cool.

I do think it's missing a karaoke machine and a roller rink, but perhaps this will open doors for new concepts in big cities. Like...giant ball pits. Or...a ginormous free lemonade stand.

If you think of something better, let us know.

Musical squee.

Instead of complaining about lame ringtones, I guess I should be recommending squeeworthy ones instead.

Accordingly, I give you THE HOTNESS:

Cingular Wireless

"White & Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic

What This Ringtone Says About You:

"Yes, fellow mass transit riders. I'd be riding a Segway instead if it fit inside this subway car."







"Smack That" by Akon, featuring Eminem

What This Ringtone Says About You:

"I'm a conformist."

"I will download any song that features an Eric Roberts cameo in the music video."





Verizon Wireless



"About Us" by Brooke Hogan

What This Ringtone Says About You:

"I watch a lot of VH1. A LOT."






Mozzy "Mosquito" Tones
AKA "The Ringtones Adults Can't Hear"

What This Ringtone Says About You:

"I'm under the age of 20."

"I have little to no life...and, consequently, have a large number of missed calls because I employ the use of a non-audible ringtone."

WHO is buying these ringtones?

After consulting Billboard.com to see that frequently squeed-over Justin Timberlake has added another #1 single to his mantle, it was brought to my attention that he was missing one "#1" in particular:

What? No ringtone?

I'd really like to know what the methodology is over at Billboard for determining ringtone hierarchy. By the looks of the chart, I have been lead to believe that the Billboard folks are at the local parish's weekly Bingo somewhere Upstate New York gathering these "facts."

I have nothing against Bingo (except the ink that stains everything in sight or people who falsely yell out "Bingo!" when they only have four down...) or Upstate (except for the incessant foliage), but I don't think that Justin, or any of the songs released THIS YEAR could not be on the Top 10.

Give a listen to the songs blaring out of phones around you. Odds are, they're on the current Top 40 charts. Not last year's - this year's.

Let's be real: Who the heck has downloaded "Halloween," a mere seasonal ringtone, for a song I forgot even existed until today, enough times to warrant a #1 spot? [Whisper: People UPSTATE!]

If you know who they are, please openly mock them, and then have them leave a comment for us here at Squeeworthy.com.

I will not stop until I know the truth!

Geeky squee.

I love widgets. I don't entirely "get" them, but I love them. Some are quite practical (i.e. the weather widget) and some just are really asinine (i.e. the clock widget - not like you don't already have one on your desktop or anything).

Nothing, however, compares to the shock and dismay I experienced when I saw this this morning:



"You failed to water your Chia?" I forgot I even HAD a Chia! So now I have a dead Chia carcass amongst my widget collection. Great.

Why are widgets squeeworthy? Mostly because I said so, but also because they're highly amusing and die on your dashboard.

To get your own, visit: http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/

Geeky squee.

Given the context clues, you can probably guess I'm a big fan of the Macintosh platform.

Not gonna lie. I kinda, sorta in no uncertain terms have a crush on it.

To further celebrate my love of all things Apple, I'm going to share an application that every Mac user should have and every PC user should be deeply jealous of: Adium X.

Available for download at www.adiumx.com, this is the bells-and-whistles version of instant messaging software. The great thing about Adium is that it allows you to connect to AIM, MSN, Jabber, Yahoo, Gmail chat, and the kitchen sink...all at the same time. It's like a really cool universal remote for IMing your buddies.

Equally as cool, the customization options. If you can think of it, you can probably have your Adium set up that way. Transparency, using your own images for a background, templates, sounds, functionality...it's all limited by your own creativity.

Check out what others have already submitted at http://www.adiumxtras.com/ and share your own with the world.

If you're a Strongbad fan like me, you'll love this one:

Generous squee.

You're wearing one of these.



You bought it with one of these.



Your friend is calling you on one of these...



...to tell you to listen to one of these:

That's right. There's a new Nano in town. (RED) and Apple have teamed up as the latest (PRODUCT)^RED item up for sale - the iPod nano (PRODUCT)^RED Special Edition.

Apple will give $10 of its purchase price to the Global Fund to fight AIDS in Africa. So, not only will you be stylishly well-coordinated in crimson, you'll be making a difference.

Created in cooperation with U2's Bono to raise awareness and money for The Global Fund by teaming up with the world's most iconic brands to produce (PRODUCT)^RED branded products, the money raised by these (RED) items helps women and children affected by HIV/AIDS in Africa.


For more info about the Global Fund and (RED), visit www.JOINRED.com.

What to Listen to This Tuesday: 10/16

I still can't get over that this girl is only 14. (Or 15. Same difference.) At 13, JoJo (AKA Joanna Levesque) hit the top of the charts with her single "(Leave) Get Out," becoming the youngest solo artist ever to do so. 13. You know what I was doing at 13? A science project on the periodic table of the elements. I think I was Chromium.

The thing that's the most impressive about JoJo is not her packaging or her marketing - it's that she's singing about topics like relationships where the mere concept of someone so young having a story to tell about it is...well, straight up weird. It's the way she sings it that makes it all work. You buy it.

JoJo is an unbelievably talented singer for someone that's still so young. Listen to her on the radio, and you'll think you're rocking out to someone a lot older. "Been around the block and dated 14 different losers and taught her daughter to avoid them too," older. If she were in your school choir, you would not want to mess with her. You'd join track and cut your losses.

Not only can the girl riff with the likes of Mariah and Christina, she can act and write songs. Hey, I'm jealous.

Her new single "Too Little Too Late" peaked at #3 on the Billboard Top 100, and she shows no signs of slowing.

Pick up a copy of The High Road tomorrow. With production by Scott Storch, Swizz Beatz, and Timbaland, you know this little girl is going to be doing big things.

Smart squee.

This is a video everyone should see:

http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.ca/flat2.asp?id=6852

Dove's onto something, but can it really affect change?

We'll see.

Let us know what you think.

Exclusive squee.

Here's some exclusive pics from squeeworthy artist Robin Thicke performing in New York City at the new Borders at Penn Plaza.

Robin Thicke is a fan of investment banking, mutual funds, and singing.


Robin is also a fan of my skilled camera work.*
*Holding cameras up over large crowds and hoping something worth showing comes out.


Robin Thicke and a Treo! (I told you they were squee.)

What to Listen to This Tuesday: 10/9

Nothing is inspiring me this week enough to persuade you to buy it, so I'm going to tell you what you should retroactively go and buy from two weeks ago. "Weird Al" Yankovic's Straight Outta Lynwood.

Weird Al may be admittedly "weird," but he surely isn't dumb. For one, he was his graduating class's valedictorian in high school, and has a degree in Architecture. Secondly, the guy is one of the best in the game at creating song parodies.

He's had some great moments in music parody history, including some of my all-time favorites, "Amish Paradise" (Bad Hair Day) and "Eat It" (Even Worse). Aside from being really crafty in the lyrics department, the guy also actually bothers to secure the permission from the original artists every time he does a cover. He doesn't need to. (Prince has yet to accept his invitation. Ever.)

His latest single, "White & Nerdy," a cover of Chamillionare's hit "Ridin," helped his album score a spot on the Billboard 200 (#9, his highest debut to date) and iTunes' Top 10 most downloaded songs. The video for the song is a little bit too hilarious for me to describe, so I suggest you watch it and try not to pee yourself with laughter.

The background dancing cameo by Donny Osmond did me in. Oh. And when he makes out with a roll of bubble wrap.

You'll see.



Squeeworthy tracks to download:

- "Confessions, Pt. 3" (Usher's "Confessions, Pt. 2")
"I haven't changed my underwear in 27 days! And when I'm kissing you, I fantasize you're a midget. I'm so sorry, Debbie. ...I mean, Bridget."

- "Trapped In the Drive-Thru" (R. Kelly's "Trapped In the Closet")
"I dunno. Do you wanna get something delivered? She's like, Why would I wanna eat liver? I don't even like liver! I'm like, No. I said delivered. She's like, I heard you say liver! I'm like, I should know what I said. She's like, Whatever! I just don't want any liver!"

Yummy squee.

"Chocolate or vanilla?" was probably the most confusing question I have been asked...ever while trying to ordering a Frosty at Wendy's. Don't you mean, "Chocolate or chocolate?"

Since 1969, there was no need to specify a flavor. If you ordered a Frosty, it was inherently chocolaty. In 2006, however, there is, so watch out.

I didn't even know there was such a thing until I was offered a choice. Out of pure curiosity, I elected to try the vanilla. I don't think anyone else knew, either. Wendy's should thank me for a 1% increase in Vanilla Frosty sales in the North East because of my story. I got at least five people to try the stuff.

Well, I've gotta tell you, it tastes exactly the way one think it would - like a Vanilla Frosty. If you're into vanilla, you'll love it. If you fear change or have a coco addiction, I think I should just let you be with the Original.

If you want to convert more VFF (Vanilla Frosty Fans), give them out for Halloween. (No, not the actual frozen dairy dessert. That would ruin someones hard-earned sweet stash. Coupons.) They're a great alternative to candy bars, unless you're lactose intolerant. 300 million Frostys are served at Wendy's every year, so they're in the minority on October 31st as far as I'm concerned.

This isn't the first restaurant-type establishment shaking things up. Beginning this week, Starbucks Coffee Company is sampling out breakfast sandwiches with their spiffy new warming station. I know many-a-Barista, and used to wear a green apron myself, so I was cool enough to try one last week.

As a fan of late-night breakfast sandwich snacking at rival Dunkin' Donuts, they're giving them a run for their money. Also, these are made in a really giant EZ Bake oven type device, and not a microwave. This, in a weird way, mimics the difference between Subway and Quiznos. It all comes down to liking things mmm...toasty.

Try them both and let us know if you think they're as squeeworthy as I do.

Did you know?
Research shows that nearly a third of adults have dipped french fries into a Frosty (or know someone who has). Whether or not this research is scientifically sound, I don't know.

What to Listen to This Tuesday: 10/2

In the spirit of "New Music Tuesdays" when new albums are released to stores and the Internet, I bestow you with a new weekly entry called "What to Listen to This Tuesday," every Monday. (Have I lost you yet?)

I'm basically giving you 24 hours to contemplate and buy. It would be pointless if I did it on Wednesdays. Unless you're Marty McFly.

This week, I am THIS close to breaking out a pocket watch and waving it in front of your collective faces to pick up Robin Thicke's new album, The Evolution of Robin Thicke.

Where you may already know him from:

• Will Smith - "Switch (R&B Remix)"
• That Sprite commercial with the long-haired bike messenger
• Reruns of The Wonder Years
• The one good song from the In the Mix soundtrack

Son of Growing Pains actor Alan Thicke, Robin began his entertainment career as a young actor, and later segued into songwriting and producing for artists such as Brian McKnight, Usher, Jordan Knight, Christina Aguilera, Mya, and Michael Jackson.

His 2003 debut album, A Beautiful World, gained popularity with the lead single, "When I Get You Alone," featuring a sample of Walter Murphy's "A Fifth of Beethoven." (If you ever rented Saturday Night Fever or know Beethoven's original, you're nodding right about now.)

After collaborating with Pharrell Williams on "Wanna Love You Girl" and signing to StarTrak, Robin's new album was slated for a third quarter 2005 release. This was later pushed back to January 2006, then February, and then every subsequent month thereafter, driving fans like me absolutely psycho. This album is well overdue, and it's finally coming out tomorrow.

Featuring artists like Lil' Wayne and Faith Evans, this album manages to maintain his unique point of view, and delves into a bit more mainstream R&B, soul sound.

Why is Robin Thicke squeeworthy? If you're looking to diversify your iTunes playlist, this is the artist to make it happen. (He also looks really good in a suit.)

Squeeworthy songs:

• "Ask Myself"
• "Lost Without U"
• "Got 2 Be Down"
  

Smart squee.

Put away your books and break out the No. 2 pencil. Here's a math equation for you:

A man is walking across a railroad bridge that goes from point A to point B. He starts at point A, and when he is 1/4th of the way across the bridge, he hears a train approaching. If the train's speed is 60MPH, how many passengers onboard are reading a James Patterson book?

Answer: 1/3.

That's right. Take a look around you on any plane, train, or automobile and you are guaranteed to spot someone reading a James Patterson book. Deemed "The man who can't miss" by Time Magazine, Patterson may be better known to your parents as the author of the Alex Cross series, or the Women's Murder Club. To your friends, he's the guy that created the butt-kicking kids with wings.

Maximum Ride, a best-selling novel on the New York Times Best Sellers List, is not your ordinary book. It comes complete with an uber-cool website (MaximumRide.com), a message board popularized by almost 10,000 fans, a MySpace, and its own soundtrack! That's right. A book with a soundtrack.


I first discovered this series after learning about The Summer Obsession's involvement on the CD. Featuring more cool music by Holly Brook (The girl from the hook on Fort Minor's hit "Where'd You Go") and other up and coming artists, the characters "hand-picked" the bands and songs that represented them and their story the best.

Never one to turn down a great blog, the characters post updates on Fang's blog, letting "Flock" fans know what they're up to between books. With all the secret files and cool pictures, no wonder readers are addicted to this!

Their story is intense, fun, and funny. If you're a fan of sarcasm, take some notes from Max. If you like the tall, dark, and quiet type, you're bound to squee over Fang. (According to their MySpace, Iggy, the blind pyrotechnic genius of the group may be giving him a run for his money, though!)

The third installment in the series, Maximum Ride: Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports, hits stores May 2007. Rumor has it there may be a movie in the works. With the cool wing special effects in the latest X-Men movie (Remember Angel?), this should be something no one wants to miss!


Squeeworthy site extras:

• Listen to the Holly Brook/Max Ride podcast
• Watch exclusive Max Ride videos from The Summer Obsession