The opposite of squee.

I have a tough time explaining the concept of "What is squee" unless I supply an analogy or provide a descriptive scenario involving actual squeeing. (I'm starting to believe that people do this solely for their own amusement and nothing else.)

To help further establish the depth and breadth of squee, I present you "The Opposite of Squee."

Take this article in Yahoo! News: Nintendo investigating Wii strap problem

Ah-hem:
[Nintendo] said . . . it is investigating reports of problems with a strap that secures the machines' wandlike remote-controller to the player's wrist.

My first thought? Wow. I hope there's nothing wrong with it so I can keep playing. That would majorly suck.

I kept reading.

At least two Web sites have been set up to collect photos that purportedly show damage — such as broken glass and TVs — resulting from the strap coming off players as they swung around the controller, at times causing the remote to fly out of their hands.

My new thought: Do you need schooling how to not be a spazoid freak? I think yes.

Wii is a game. It's fictional. You are not actually playing a sport. It is a mere mimicry of the event. LET'S ALL REMEMBER THAT. No doubt you were one of those people who jumped with Mario when you hopped atop mushrooms or drainpipes, too.

Hey, I've played. I didn't even use the strap, and did I break anything? No, cause I'm still alive. If I were dead, at my brother's hand, you'd know I threw the remote, launching it into a TV set or something equally expensive.

One of these such sites filled with remote-throwing morons is http://www.wiihaveaproblem.com/ (Ah, URL puns.)


"I have a 27 inch normal tv in my room. So on wensday after launch I asked my mom if i could use it on the 40 inch projection HDTV. She was like ok what ever. So i was playing tennis and the wiimote flew out of my hand with the wrist strap (yes i was wearing it and it flew off with the wiimote) and flew into the screen." - wiihaveaproblem.com

Did you ever see Andy Roddick throwing his tennis racket across the court in wild abandon during his return? No! (Okay, so maybe if you watched John McEnroe play, but the guy's got documented anger issues.)

Take the time and energy you kids are throwing (pun very intended) into this crazy remote-launching and dump it into things like spelling, proper capitalization of days of the week, and other worthwhile causes.

Dumb: The opposite of squee.

Awesome squee.

I haven't played Nintendo religiously since NES, but I have found a new reason to willingly reunite with the pains of "Nintendo thumb," and it's called Wii.

My brother has a problem, and it's called, "Buying every video game and console ever made." If he was old enough, I'm sure he would have been an early proponent of Atari. Through him, I've managed to sort of stay in touch with the latest video game nonsense, and sometimes* be cool enough to play a game or two.

Call it the hospitality of Thanksgiving, call it a momentary lack of sanity, but he recently purchased Wii and let me play.

Can I just tell you now that it is THE singlemost amazing thing of 2006, other than Timberlake locating and returning "sexy?" (Okay, fine. And Britney dumping K-Fed.)

Incase you've been living under a rock, or actually have a life, Wii oozes uber-coolness because of its wireless controller (that kinda, sorta looks like a sleek TV remote) that detects motions of the player.

Remember the old track games on NES? You had to run and jump on that ghetto version of a Dance Dance Revolution Pad? This smacks that in the face.

When you're playing a game like Wii Sports, you're actually going through the motions of playing the game in real life. You're throwing punches to get the TKO. You're swinging a baseball bat or the tennis racket to hit the ball. You're reaching out your arm to get that turkey in bowling.

Call me pathetic, dumb, or seriously challenged in the upper-body strength department, but I somehow managed to feel as if I went through sports bootcamp after a few hours of playing. ...For two days.

It made me wonder if Nintendo thought they were actually trying to motivate gamers to be active, and perhaps I'm not too far off considering there's a fitness test to monitor one's activities over time.

Yeah, I tried the fitness test. Yeah, it said I had the athleticism of a 58-year-old man, but I was robbed! How is not getting a strike and not being allowed to pick up the spare in bowling a sign of physical weakness? I protest.

And when I say I played, I really mean "I" did. Mii. On the "Mii Channel," every Wii user gets to create their own player to be designed in his or her very own likeness. These "characters" can interact on message boards and private messaging through Wii's wireless Internet capabilities.

I don't think I can handle the awesomeness.

What I really won't be able to deal with is the ability to play Sega Genesis games like Toe Jam & Earl.

Funkotron, here I come!

*Every five years.

Random squee.

Random things excite me, and having public bathrooms complete with flat-screen TVs, a fireplace, a mini-dance floor certainly fits. Oh, and did I mention it's in Times Square? Even better!

The crossroads of New York City straphangers and hoards of international travelers will now have a place to "go." An estimated 300,000 flushes are anticipated through the holiday season. (I have no idea what that means in terms of people, but I'm sure there's some mathematical explanation.)

Why is this squeeworthy? Well, it's certainly not because it's a bathroom.

I'm sure lots of people have been finding ways to go about their business (wow, I'm doing really well with this bathroom pun thing!) before the arrival of these pimped out restrooms, but the fact that someone thought to do something so extravagant, and not just install a bunch of sketchy Porta-Potties under the guise of a marketing ploy for bathroom tissue is pretty cool.

I do think it's missing a karaoke machine and a roller rink, but perhaps this will open doors for new concepts in big cities. Like...giant ball pits. Or...a ginormous free lemonade stand.

If you think of something better, let us know.

Musical squee.

Instead of complaining about lame ringtones, I guess I should be recommending squeeworthy ones instead.

Accordingly, I give you THE HOTNESS:

Cingular Wireless

"White & Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic

What This Ringtone Says About You:

"Yes, fellow mass transit riders. I'd be riding a Segway instead if it fit inside this subway car."







"Smack That" by Akon, featuring Eminem

What This Ringtone Says About You:

"I'm a conformist."

"I will download any song that features an Eric Roberts cameo in the music video."





Verizon Wireless



"About Us" by Brooke Hogan

What This Ringtone Says About You:

"I watch a lot of VH1. A LOT."






Mozzy "Mosquito" Tones
AKA "The Ringtones Adults Can't Hear"

What This Ringtone Says About You:

"I'm under the age of 20."

"I have little to no life...and, consequently, have a large number of missed calls because I employ the use of a non-audible ringtone."

WHO is buying these ringtones?

After consulting Billboard.com to see that frequently squeed-over Justin Timberlake has added another #1 single to his mantle, it was brought to my attention that he was missing one "#1" in particular:

What? No ringtone?

I'd really like to know what the methodology is over at Billboard for determining ringtone hierarchy. By the looks of the chart, I have been lead to believe that the Billboard folks are at the local parish's weekly Bingo somewhere Upstate New York gathering these "facts."

I have nothing against Bingo (except the ink that stains everything in sight or people who falsely yell out "Bingo!" when they only have four down...) or Upstate (except for the incessant foliage), but I don't think that Justin, or any of the songs released THIS YEAR could not be on the Top 10.

Give a listen to the songs blaring out of phones around you. Odds are, they're on the current Top 40 charts. Not last year's - this year's.

Let's be real: Who the heck has downloaded "Halloween," a mere seasonal ringtone, for a song I forgot even existed until today, enough times to warrant a #1 spot? [Whisper: People UPSTATE!]

If you know who they are, please openly mock them, and then have them leave a comment for us here at Squeeworthy.com.

I will not stop until I know the truth!

Geeky squee.

I love widgets. I don't entirely "get" them, but I love them. Some are quite practical (i.e. the weather widget) and some just are really asinine (i.e. the clock widget - not like you don't already have one on your desktop or anything).

Nothing, however, compares to the shock and dismay I experienced when I saw this this morning:



"You failed to water your Chia?" I forgot I even HAD a Chia! So now I have a dead Chia carcass amongst my widget collection. Great.

Why are widgets squeeworthy? Mostly because I said so, but also because they're highly amusing and die on your dashboard.

To get your own, visit: http://www.apple.com/downloads/dashboard/

Geeky squee.

Given the context clues, you can probably guess I'm a big fan of the Macintosh platform.

Not gonna lie. I kinda, sorta in no uncertain terms have a crush on it.

To further celebrate my love of all things Apple, I'm going to share an application that every Mac user should have and every PC user should be deeply jealous of: Adium X.

Available for download at www.adiumx.com, this is the bells-and-whistles version of instant messaging software. The great thing about Adium is that it allows you to connect to AIM, MSN, Jabber, Yahoo, Gmail chat, and the kitchen sink...all at the same time. It's like a really cool universal remote for IMing your buddies.

Equally as cool, the customization options. If you can think of it, you can probably have your Adium set up that way. Transparency, using your own images for a background, templates, sounds, functionality...it's all limited by your own creativity.

Check out what others have already submitted at http://www.adiumxtras.com/ and share your own with the world.

If you're a Strongbad fan like me, you'll love this one: