Musical squee.

Instead of complaining about lame ringtones, I guess I should be recommending squeeworthy ones instead.

Accordingly, I give you THE HOTNESS:

Cingular Wireless

"White & Nerdy" by Weird Al Yankovic

What This Ringtone Says About You:

"Yes, fellow mass transit riders. I'd be riding a Segway instead if it fit inside this subway car."







"Smack That" by Akon, featuring Eminem

What This Ringtone Says About You:

"I'm a conformist."

"I will download any song that features an Eric Roberts cameo in the music video."





Verizon Wireless



"About Us" by Brooke Hogan

What This Ringtone Says About You:

"I watch a lot of VH1. A LOT."






Mozzy "Mosquito" Tones
AKA "The Ringtones Adults Can't Hear"

What This Ringtone Says About You:

"I'm under the age of 20."

"I have little to no life...and, consequently, have a large number of missed calls because I employ the use of a non-audible ringtone."

WHO is buying these ringtones?

After consulting Billboard.com to see that frequently squeed-over Justin Timberlake has added another #1 single to his mantle, it was brought to my attention that he was missing one "#1" in particular:

What? No ringtone?

I'd really like to know what the methodology is over at Billboard for determining ringtone hierarchy. By the looks of the chart, I have been lead to believe that the Billboard folks are at the local parish's weekly Bingo somewhere Upstate New York gathering these "facts."

I have nothing against Bingo (except the ink that stains everything in sight or people who falsely yell out "Bingo!" when they only have four down...) or Upstate (except for the incessant foliage), but I don't think that Justin, or any of the songs released THIS YEAR could not be on the Top 10.

Give a listen to the songs blaring out of phones around you. Odds are, they're on the current Top 40 charts. Not last year's - this year's.

Let's be real: Who the heck has downloaded "Halloween," a mere seasonal ringtone, for a song I forgot even existed until today, enough times to warrant a #1 spot? [Whisper: People UPSTATE!]

If you know who they are, please openly mock them, and then have them leave a comment for us here at Squeeworthy.com.

I will not stop until I know the truth!

Treo me.

After spending $400 on a phone, I wondered what the heck I was thinking.

I could have made an extra student loan payment! Bought a new Coach bag! Bought four $100 phones! Went to the bank and asked for $400 in singles to throw around like I had won the lottery for fluff and nonsense!

But, no. I bought a Treo 650 because someone talked me into it.

Okay, so it wasn't so much as talked me into it, but this thing had, and has, a certain allure. (Not to be confused with whatever impostor allure using a Bluetooth headset emits. It's called "You look like you're having an inner monologue outburst incident." Use your hands!)

Clearly, I must be "kind of a big deal" if I have a Treo. I'm "important enough" to check my e-mail incessantly. Send neat, organized text messages saved in conversation form, a la Instant Messenger. Never be without an MP3 player or a world clock. Customize my ringtones to my express liking so that Hugh Laurie notifies me when I have a voicemail.

But, to have what some might label a "Zack Morris" sized cell phone in a world of RAZRs and PEBLs and Qs, you may need to defend your purchase.

Let's face it. The BlackBerry is played out. Everybody and their mom has one. In fact, I saw your mom yesterday, and she wants to know why you don't call her anymore...ON HER BLACKBERRY.

General rule of thumb: Jay-Z includes your product in a lyric more than once, it's not so VIP anymore, cause he just told you about it...twice.

With all that lawsuit, "Can we, can't we still use our Blackberry" drama, who wants to drop that much loot on a PDA? Go with the Treo. And, it still has a QWERTY keyboard!

If you update your firmwares when you're told and have a geeky friend on speed dial in case of "red phone"-esque emergencies (few and far between), you'll be the coolest person on the block.

During an impromptu game of "Name that obscure actor," you can reference IMBD.com. What can they do? Text their friend to look it up for them, and then call them back so you can be subjected to their lame MIDI ringtones. (You know, the ones that sound like bastardized elevator muzak.)

As PDAs and the customization of these geeky products becomes more and more popular, so do the creative possibilities.

Sites like and NYC Peach and Crystal Icing specialize in bringing bling to your phones, iPods, laptops...anything that can stand still long enough to have crystals adhered to it, really.

They have a laundry list of celebrity clients and a library of samples to show you. NYC Peach, in fact, has the blessing of the TMobile Sidekick folks themselves. Ooh.

Psst!: Get your Treo with a new plan or when your contract is up, and you'll pay A LOT less than an impatient girl like me. (Don't thank me. I'll just sit here and be jealous.)