Musical squee.
Instead of complaining about lame ringtones, I guess I should be recommending squeeworthy ones instead.
Accordingly, I give you THE HOTNESS:
Cingular Wireless
What This Ringtone Says About You:
"Yes, fellow mass transit riders. I'd be riding a Segway instead if it fit inside this subway car."
"Smack That" by Akon, featuring Eminem
What This Ringtone Says About You:
"I'm a conformist."
"I will download any song that features an Eric Roberts cameo in the music video."
Verizon Wireless
"About Us" by Brooke Hogan
What This Ringtone Says About You:
"I watch a lot of VH1. A LOT."

AKA "The Ringtones Adults Can't Hear"
What This Ringtone Says About You:
"I'm under the age of 20."
"I have little to no life...and, consequently, have a large number of missed calls because I employ the use of a non-audible ringtone."